Is Global Warming for real?

I got this email from Kelly van Schlouderblaugh:

"Dear Chris Lampshire,

I was recently browsing the Internet when I came across an article that talked about global warming and how we were all going to boil to death or live without snow forever, and it really worried my insides. Please tell me if this is something I should be concerned about!

Yours truly,

Kelly the ignorant."

First of all, I'd rather you'd call me "Mr. Lampshire" or even "Dr. Lampshire", but certainly not "Chris"... what am I, a giddy schoolboy? Heck no.

Now to your question. Kelly, do you believe everything you read on the Internet? If I wrote "jump off a bridge" would you believe it? The fact of the matter is, the world is very complex and you can't just go around believing everything on the Internet. Now if it's in a book or on TV that's an entirely different matter, which I won't go into right now. But on the Internet, you have got to be extremely careful because there are some people that send out spam and steal your credit cards and put spyware on your computer and download illegal music.

But I'm going off the topic. Let's address the issue at hand: global warming. It's called summer. It's nothing new. And you know all that talk of greenhouse gasses? Well, have you ever seen any green gas yourself? No, that's stuff for science fiction movies like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Many people that want you to believe in global warming actually just want you to either vote for them because they are running for parliament and/or congress, or want to give you a pamphlet requesting money that they will just use to print more pamphlets.

Many times, global warming websites and pamphlets have a graph with a line going up and this is suppose to convince you. But look more carefully, Kelly. See anything funny about these graphs? They are conveniently leaving out much of history, like the Medieval Optimum and the Big Bang. And of course the line will go up sometimes, but it also comes down. If it just stayed in a straight line then the Earth would not be orbiting anything and we'd all fall into the sun! We wouldn't have any seasons if that happened, and I like seasons because the leaves change colors and get all crinkly and are fun to step on and crackle in your hand.

In the end, global warming is of course for real, but so is global cooling. You can do your part by just blowing into the air on your way to work or to the kitchen, etc. Also, leave your windows open to let your air conditioning out into the world to help cool it down. Buy fans and turn them on outside. Throw ice outside. In the winter, save some snow in your freezer, and when summer comes, throw it back outside. If you don't get snow where you live, just leave your freezer open so all that electricity it uses will not just go to waste. If we all do our part, global cooling won't take much work.

Well, Kelly, are you satisfied? Do you now understand the error of your ways?

It was a really dumb question, but I'm glad you asked it because a lot of people wonder about this and are really confused but don't do anything. Remember, everyone, you can email me your question at lampshire@wizardwalk.com ... don't be afraid, I'm a nice guy. Thanks again for your question, Kelly the dunderhead.