Should I tell the truth?

Our first question comes from Cassie from Lancaster... she writes:

"Dear Mr. Lampshire,

O dear me! Can anyone help me? I have a friend who's in a predicament. Her father told her to do her homework every night so that it would get done, but lately she's been just going to sleep and not doing her homework. Now her grades are really bad, like a failing grade in history and a failing gradle in English and Spelllling. Should she tell her father the truth about her evil ways, or just keep it a secret and lie about it at the next available opportunity?

Sincerely,

Cassie from Lancaster"

First of all, Cassie, when you say you're friend is in a predicament we all know it's really you. People are always too emberassed to admit how stupid they are, but you might as well since people can tell anyway. Nobody cares about friends' problems, so when you say you have a friend who's in trouble it's a dead give-a-away that's it's really you. So let's not play tricky games.

Second of all, there are many better things to do besides homework, but snoozing is not one of them, how dare you. I would therefore go ahead and tell your father the truth, however do it in the form of lie, that way if he just believes your lie then you've still technically told the truth and won't have to worry about feeling guilty in the morning. How do you tell the truth in the form of a lie? Here are a few examples:

"Hey, father, my grades are bad because the teachers are biased against me." This is the truth because if you're teachers weren't biased in favor of homework, you wouldn't have homework to not do. But this is also a lie because it isn't true.

"Hey, father, I am really sleeping on my homework." This is the truth because it is literally true, but a lie because we all know a father would not believe it.

"Hey, father, I like pie." This depends on how you say it and how much you really do like pie.

"Hey, father, sldjlajdfljbl" If you say something that you can't pronounce you can get away with almost anything. This is what I often say to my boss, "Baxter the Baldy"... what a loser he is! But if he's reading this blog, you're the greatest, Baxter!

Well, that's the question for now. Live by these wise words! Thanks for your question, Cassie the dunderhead.